of Facebook memories and the Bullshit of things

Caveat: This is not a ‘feel good’ post (If the title didn’t already clue you in on that)

When Facebook Memories became a thing in Zuckerville, I wasn’t very sure of its usefulness – I mean, some things are better left in the past. You don’t want to be confronted with the memory of that guy you thought was ‘the one’ but turned out to be ‘the one minute wonder’. However, over the past few weeks, Facebook has faithfully reminded me of the things I engraved on the stone of its memory 2 years ago, mostly in the final sprint to the election. In doing so, it has called out my B.S. I choose to own it, here and now.

Buhari the ‘one minute wonder’: Not that I ever imagined for a minute that he was ‘the one’, but I imagined that he could at least be a credible seat-filler until the coming of the messaiah. But the wonder that is Fb Memories reminds me everyday that:

I bashed Jonathan for always commiserating with victims of Boko Haram and not doing any real thing to stop them but Buhari’s silence has become deafening in the face of the menace that Fulani cattle rearers have become. Because it is undignified for the office of the presidency to comment on every single matter. Or so we have been told.

I harangued GEJ for being clueless and steering the economy wrong. Buhari inherited his mess but has proven that unpreparedness and ineptitude are two sides of the ‘crumbling economy coin’.

GEJ did not pretend to want to tackle corruption – in fact, he didn’t recognise that there was any such thing. Buhari rode on the waves of our goodwill and desire to see him tackle corruption but has showed us that it’s only the dancer in the village square that changed. The drummers are still the same, thriving and beating the same tune. Well, on this one, I have always insisted that we need to change the system, not the person.

Lesson learnt: At the end of the day, a basic lack of decency and human sympathy is not the purview of any political party or ethnic group. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. Also, there is a spirit of deafness in operation in Aso Rock, and a cocoon of oblivion that wraps elected officials once they take up residence.

Lest you get it twisted, GEJ was never an option. We had a choice of death by guillotine or death by electric chair – no choice. As someone said today, Nigeria is the only country where we take the measure of an evil man  by holding up someone we thiink is more evil and saying ‘See? He’s a good man!’

The Bullshit of our Citizenry: So, we’re definitely up this shit creek without a paddle and what do we do? We’re spraying perfume all over ourselves. We’re laughing that someone else is in the same shit creek. We have zero plans, zero strategies but we want to Make Nigeria Great Again. We refuse to hold our rulers accountable, refuse to speak up against corruption, refuse to care but we want good leaders.

And when someone cares, what do we do? We take a census of his Baby Mamas. I swear, something is desperately wrong with us.

We won’t come out to protest because ‘Who wan die?’ ‘What is the use?’ ‘It won’t work’.

We say help us change ths system, fight against corruption because only the people can mount a credible anti-corruption crusade, sign to support the #Bribecode.  You say ‘What is the use?’ ‘It won’t work’.

Something is desperately wrong with us.

The Bullshit of protests: So you have gathered today and worn your green and walked under the sun and chanted. Then what?

I remember #OccupyNigeria. I was proud of #OccupyNigeria. Then I was ashamed of #OccupyNigeria.

Do something productive. Form a political party (Because what we have now is family meeting – just different branches of the same family). Or join the ones that are not PDP or APC or any of their permutations and combinations. Sign the Bribecode ( http://www.bribecode.org/signup ) Register to vote. Vote. Run for office.

Just do something. Don’t let your sweat and your tears be in vain. We can only be the ‘Children of Anger’ for so long. We are growing old and very soon, our children will ask us. These dragons that have been in power forever seized power in their youth.

The Bullshit of 2019: Even in 2015, i could see how 2019 would be. That vision is unchanged. Judging by this torpor that seems to be our lot, we will again change the dancer. Then the beat goes on… And in 2020, we will look back at Buhari and say ‘Oh, he was a good man!’ Just think about it since 1999. Smh.

I told some friends the other day that I am worried about 2019. They said ‘You should be worried about today!’ and I reminded them that that’s the mentality that brought us where we are now. Our insistence on short sightedness will bring us to a 2019 of ‘Heads you lose; Tails you die’. Repeat.

I hear Atiku is already warming up.

Other Housekeeping Bullshit

Once again, we don’t know whether our President is still among us or whether he has translated. And some people say we shouldn’t ask. That level of B.S is the type that can make my level-headed self blow my gasket! (What? I am level-headed!). So let me leave that one. But here’s some related B.S – Some people think that Buhari’s death will be the solution to our problems. I wonder why. Perhaps. it is his height that is pushing the price of the dollar up. Once he’s flat, dollar will come crashing down. My friend! Don’t you know that crack short-circuits the brain? Give it up.

Here’s another one: If he doesn’t come back and Osinbanjo is in charge, we will arive at our promised land. I guess the honorable VP has been on vacation since May 29 2015. But… Wait o. Has he not been in charge since our President went on this holiday that is now like a Nollywood movie (Watch out for Part 2!)? I guess a taskforce to look into the price of garri is something we must aspire to. I call Bullshit!

And the one that galled me – Amnesia is a bastard something o. Reuben Abati is mocking Tuface. Tuface that has stood for more than Abati will ever be able to stand for even if he  stands on a ladder. Abati is talking about wives and Baby mammas and mothers and he can’t see the how far down he has reached to our expectations – BellaNaija is his platform for relevance. O ga o.

I would speak about Ibori and the show of shame that is the ‘celebration’ that welcomed him but I’m out of fresh out of medication and alone in my room. It won’t do for me to blow my gasket. Or an artery for that matter.

Deja vu much?

I’m done.

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